My heart thundered against my ribcage as I fumbled for the cell phone. Clicking on the bedside lamp, fear clawed its way inside my body and settled in my stomach as a gentle voice shared, “Your son has been talking to me about the possibility of hurting himself. He called the prevention hotline and would like to speak with you.” Though my son battled anxiety and the ups and downs of a mood disorder, I never imagined a night like this. A night with me on the phone and my suicidal boy’s life in the hands of a stranger.
The Truth About Parenting Suicidal Children or Teens
As I mentioned in last week’s article, parenting a child or teen with mental illness often leads to feeling isolated. Misunderstood. Alone.
In a public forum, one parent shared, “You aren’t alone in feeling like a failing parent because your anger gets the best of you sometimes.”
If part of your story involves pouring into a child, teen, or young adult with mental illness—particularly one with suicidal ideation–then perhaps you relate to this parent’s comment. After all, parents are often the recipients of meltdowns, mania, and unmanageable moods. They wrangle with medical diagnoses, insurance plans, and hospitalizations. But far worse—these parents avoid sharing their deepest need for prayer with family and church friends out of fear. Fear both they and especially their child will be judged.
But with suicide rates in the U.S. the highest among teens and young adults, we who walk this challenging road discover comfort in this—other mamas know our struggle. They, too, utter the same desperate cries of the heart in prayer. And God is close to the brokenhearted.
Where to Look for Help if Your Child, Teen, or Young Adult Deals with Suicidal Ideation
Outside of the immediate family, nobody knew. Not friends. Not coworkers. Not even the pastor.
I slogged through my days on autopilot, praying for his safety. Desperate for a call as my head swiveled toward the clock on the wall at the office.
My own shattered heart required care, but I ignored its request. Sleep was elusive. Food a minimal requirement. I survived on prayer. But a lack of self-care results in a limited capacity to maintain physical, emotional, or spiritual strength, and suicidality rarely fades the moment your child leaves the hospital.
Looking back, I would pay more attention to my own needs in hopes that I could better attend to the needs of my family during such a challenging time. I might:
- see a counselor alone, with my husband, and/or with our other children.
- attend a support group through the National Association of Mental Illness.
- find a church in which I feel safe and supported sharing about a loved one who struggles with mental illness, suicide, and related issues.
A Prayer for You if Your Child Battles Suicidal Ideation
Lord,
I am overwhelmed by heartache. When I first held my son/daughter in my arms, I never imagined s/he would wage a war with suicide. Please, Father, protect my child from the Enemy’s arrows. He comes to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) but you Jesus came that s/he “might have life, and…might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10) I speak life abundant over ____________. Please, breathe your life into her/him as you breathed life into Adam and give my child fresh hope for each day.
In the powerful name of Jesus,
Amen
Peace and grace,
Tammy
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So honored to be featured here—and grateful to have been used as an encouragement to your heart!
Hi Michele,
It’s such a pleasure to feature your article. Praying His blessings over you today!
Tammy, I find the suicide rates alarming. May the Lord hold your heart close and bless you for sharing, and for sharing the prayer. It is a prayer sure to breathe hope into many.
Hi Joanne,
Our country was in a mental health crisis pre-Covid and, unfortunately, our young people are hurting the most.
My son, who has given me permission to share, also desires to help those who’ve walked the hard road. I do pray this post makes some small difference.
Blessings to you,
Tammy
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Praying for continued grace for you and your family, Tammy. Suicide is such a hard thing to face. My grandfather committed suicide when I was a senior in high school, and it was so hard on our family. Trusting He will continue to guide you and your family in a gentle, and life-giving path. Thank you for sharing, your heart’s prayer will help many who don’t have the words, but want to voice their heart’s cry to the Lord.
Lisa,
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Your grandfather’s death must have been so painful for all of you.
Thank you for your prayers. Although my son is not in that same dark place, he still struggles. We know God will prove Himself faithful and trust our son’s life will bring Him glory.
Oh Tammy, my heart aches for you and your family at this time. I cannot imagine the terror of walking with a suicidal child. Thank you for raising awareness and compassion on this subject.
I have two dear friends who lost their sons to suicides as teens.
May God tenderly hold you and your family close during this time.
Hi Donna.
Fortunately, we aren’t in this place right now. My son is still in recovery from his illness but is much more stable.
I am so sorry your friends lost their sons to suicide. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
My heart was pounding with yours, Tammy. I’m glad your son is more stable now. My youngest daughter had a season of suicidal ideation as a teen and it was such a terrifying time for all of us. Thankfully her situation was short-lived as opposed to many who deal with life-long struggles. I so appreciate your vulnerability and strength in addressing these tough topics. You’re amazing.
Lisa,
You’re so kind. I’m grateful my son is willing to let me share. His bravery and courage are sure to make a difference in the lives of others. I’m so grateful your youngest no longer struggles with such tormenting thoughts. What a praise! <3
Ms. Tammy, I can’t imagine what it would be like to get a call like that. I can remember getting a call from the parents of my son’s ex-girlfriend. In high school, they had broken up a few weeks earlier. As happens with “young love”, or what they think is love, he was taking it hard. Young and ex-military, my approach was “Suck it up buttercup, this too shall pass. it don’t mean nuthin’.” Well, long story short, the call was to tell me he had just wrapped his new car around the tree in their front yard. He wasn’t seriously injured, but the car was totaled. I wanted to “total” him, but knew that his incident was the manifestation of a much bigger problem than losing his first love. He didn’t know how to process and handle disappointment. Although adopted, I realized it was up to me to try and correct this. I wish I’d done a better job of it, as he’s had lots of disappointment in his adult life. He hasn’t reached out in years, but a parent’s love doesn’t stop. Thank you for providing these resources. I pray another parent never has to face with you did. God’s blessings ma’am.
J.D., what a frightening situation. Wouldn’t parenting be easier if it came with a manual? I’m sorry for the distance between you. I know the love you have for your son is only unmatched by the love Christ has for him. I will be praying for restoration, friend.
Blessings to you,
Tammy