There were signs, but my husband and I didn’t recognize them. One by one the pieces melded together, shifting and moving until they were still enough for us to realize our son had been living with a nightmarish truth. The depression. The fear. The midnight phone call and a sterile hospital room. It all made sense.
Now, I grapple with the unknown. The anger. The grief. The loss.
How can a loving mother forgive someone for changing the course of her child’s life? For stealing his joy? For loading him with crippling soul-pain that can only be healed by God’s mercy over time?

[bbctt tweet="The problem of forgiveness was much easier to manage when I faced my own demons.#metoo #csa #parenting"]

The problem of forgiveness was much easier to manage when I faced my own demons. But, now?
A dear one I love is hurting and there are no simple steps toward healing. I don’t want to forgive.
Confronting the bitterness in my heart, I’m reminded that God understands. He knows the grief of watching his child suffer. He realizes there are times when even a heavenly Father must allow his precious Child to struggle.

[bbctt tweet="The command to forgive doesn't include a clause releasing mothers from its charge.#forgive#mercy#faith."]

But understanding doesn’t equate to acquiescence; the command to forgive doesn’t include a clause releasing angry, protective mothers from its charge. Instead, the words of scripture pierce my conscience in the same way my boy’s heartache cuts to the core of my soul.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

How many of these acceptable sins am I tucking behind an agreeable “I’m fine” while I play tug-of-war with Jesus? Lord, I give this to you. Wait. I don’t like how you’re handling this. I’m taking it back.
Now I hear God whispering, “If you love me, you will obey. I know the beginning from the end. I know how to bring hope and healing. I know these things. Do you?”
My bleeding heart bends its will to the Father as I step onto the path of perseverance-the intentional, purposeful pursuit of faith through the power of the Holy Spirit.
You, too, may be persevering on life’s rocky road. For some, the path is strewn with broken marriage relationships or estrangement from beloved children. Others know the pain of losing a loved one to suicide. Many are walking the journey of cancer while others are recovering from years of abuse.

[bbctt tweet="Continuing on will lead us to our final destinantion-the one who is the Way.#persevere#faithfulness#intentional."]

No matter the debris littered along the way, continuing on will lead us to our final destination–the one who is the Way.
It won’t be easy.
We’ll be called to put down the burdens we’re bearing and release them into His care.
When we reach the end of the road, our true beginning, perhaps we’ll survey the old path with new eyes. We’ll notice bits and fragments scattered here and there. Were those fractured pieces the burdens we once bore? Now they seem so small. 

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory… 2 Corinthians 4:17 (NKJV)

 
Peace and grace,
Tammy
I often link-up with the following wonderful bloggers:
Mondays   InstaEncouragements/ Anita Ojeda, Mandy and Michele, Kingdom Bloggers,
Tuesdays RaRa Linkup /GraceFull Tuesday / Tell His Story/Anchored Abode,
Wednesdays   Worth Beyond Rubies, Recharge Wednesday / Welcome Wednesday /LetsHave Coffee/Porch Stories
Thursdays Heart Encouragement  /  Tune In Thursday  /Salt and Light /  Five Minute Friday
Friday Counting My Blessings, Faith on Fire, Blogger Voices Networ