The razor-sharp accusation in his voice cut deep, “You’re pressuring me.”

Mental illness, trauma, and lingering habits mock my optimism and resilience. I blink away hot tears that cloud my vision before the ache in my heart spills down my face. “It’s not pressure to expect you to adult,” I respond gently.

Later, my eyes bore a hole in the floor. I stare, unblinking. Unseeing. My mind a mess of moving parts and unanswered questions. What could I have said differently? Done differently? Was I loving enough?

This wasn’t in the training manual. While much of raising children is joy-filled and beautiful—a delightful mix of dandelion bouquets and footed pajamas—few write about the pain of parenting. Even God, the perfect Father, loved His children and suffered to the point of death on a cross.

There are lessons to be learned in the hard of rearing children.

 

Four Lessons I Learned from the Hard of Raising Children

Fasting and praying for my children is imperative. Through prayer and fasting, I surrender my children to the Lord and invite Him to guide me in my parenting.

“…when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Matthew 6:17-18 (NIV)

 

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)

 

God designed me to rely on Him. When I feel my child’s sticky hand clasped in mine or hear his throaty laugh, parenting is easy. Simple. But the vacant expression of his eyes as depression wrests hope from his life-day after day? Medication, therapists, and doctors all hold an important place, but God is the one who gets me through every moment and reminds me He has plans for my son’s future.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJ)

 

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJ)

This will not be my child’s best life. God’s good creation is marred by sin. Though marked by beauty and bounty, it also ebbs and flows with trials and trouble. One day, however, mental illness, disease, death, and every evil that… Click To Tweet

This will not be my child’s best life. God’s good creation is marred by sin. Though marked by beauty and bounty, it also ebbs and flows with trials and trouble. One day, however, mental illness, disease, death, and every evil that has corrupted heaven’s holy design will be brought into submission.

“ For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.  Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Romans 8:22-25 (NKJ)

When my child is triggered, I see the hurt, fear, and pain behind the behavior. I see the dear one I love. Love—more than anything. #mentalillness #unconditionallove Click To Tweet

Parental love is unconditional. Whether a child struggles with anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, or another mental illness, it impacts his or her behaviors. When my child is triggered, I see the hurt, fear, and pain behind the behavior. I see the dear one I love.

 Love—more than anything.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12 (NIV)

 On the good days, I can almost pretend life is normal. Like it was before mental illness. Some days, my heart breaks a little more. But through it all, God is with me, with my child, and with you.

Peace and grace,

Tammy

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