Delicately crafted cards line the aisles of every Hallmark store and images of women smiling wide as their children present them with breakfast flash across the grey screens in living room corners. There is joy in the celebration of mothering and don’t we all yearn to be loved so beautifully?
But for some, Mother’s Day is like the scratching of a tree branch across an aging windowpane: a needle-tipped reminder of the celebrations you once knew or the celebrations you longed to experience. A perceptible poking and pricking at heart-wounds old or new.
This may be the first season of your life without your own mother and you long to hear her laugh or ask her about living life well. How did you do it? I miss you.
Perhaps this is the holiday that pains you because you never felt enough, became enough, proved enough. And your mother? The woman you emulated? She handed those messages to you wrapped in critical words and disdainful glances.
Or, like the others before it, this holiday sits like a broken promise–dreams turned to dust before your eyes. The mother you needed was unavailable. Inaccessible. Unaware. Still, you carry the child you were in your heart and hope that one day someone will fill that empty longing in the way you wish your mother had done.
For some, Mother’s Day is a lonely salute to infertility, a memorial to the dreams you had for your prodigal or the child who took his own life. One more year of unfair circumstances. Unanswered prayers. Unsolvable situations.
If you are one of the hurting ones, can I tell you how sorry I am? I am sorry for the pain. The loss. The grief. I’m sorry you feel alone, unnoticed, or unloved.
Encouragement for the Hurting Woman on Mother’s Day Share on X
Sweet friend, whether this Mother’s Day is one of resignation or celebration, distress or delight–would you allow me to encourage you?
Your heavenly Father is more than able to fill the empty spaces. He longs to embrace you in unmatched, unimaginable love. To invite you deeper into His mercy. His beauty. His abundance. And there? You’ll discover overflowing blessings that quench the needs of your soul.
Encouragement for the Hurting Woman on Mother’s Day Share on X For now, each of us must choose.
Choose gratitude for the mother whose life was spent loving her children.
Choose forgiveness for the mother who failed to love well.
Choose to trust Him when arms are empty and the pleasure of mothering has been stolen.
Choose to believe He is faithful. And as we move from earth’s shadow into heaven’s light, we’ll discover the fullness of being loved (and loving others) beautifully.
Blessings,
Tammy
That was beautifully said. Thank you for this encouragement.
Thank you for these beautiful words, Tammy. Learning to choose the right attitudes takes time and practice, but there is so much feeedom in being a victor instead of a victim!
I buried my mother on Mother’s Day weekend when I was in high school. I felt the first birth pangs of the coming of my daughter Mother’s Day weekend a decade later. God is good.
Hi Debbie. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been! I hope memories of your mother will encourage your heart this weekend. Blessings, Tammy
Yes, the choice is ours. I As I have gotten older, I have focused more not on the mother I don’t have, but on making it a day I can bless others on. Encourage a friend who has lost her mother and this is the first year without her. Encourage my daughter who is a new mom. Yes, I am a mom and want the day to be about me, but I find more joy when I make it also about others.
I love the idea of focusing on others, Theresa! Thanks for sharing.
I love the choices that you gave at the end of your post We can choose to embrace positive truth from God or hold on to destructive emotions b/c life didn’t turn out the way we want. And as believers we need to go one step further and reach out to those who don’t have the Hallmark card life. Pick someone who is hurting from lost of a child, loss of a mother or never had either. Send them a gift, a card or a special note to say ‘I notice’ and ‘you matter’. it could be that it is just the encouragement they need!
I love your suggestions, Karen! A little encouragement can make such a difference.
Mother’s Day has been difficult for me the last few years. I have an estranged relationship with my own mother due to symptoms of mental illness. That first year after distancing myself from her, I did not want to celebrate Mother’s Day. It hurt too much to not have had the mother I needed. The mother that everyone else seems to have. I spent the day grieving my loss. The next year wasn’t as bad, but I still grieved. Last year was better and I did something with my husband and kids. This year, I am ready to fully embrace Mother’s Day and celebrate with my family. I needed that time to grieve. I wrote a post about this, too. Thanks for sharing on Grace & Truth.
Hi Aimee. I can hear the pain in your words and my heart hurts for you. May God continue to heal those tender wounds in those moments of grief. Blessings, Tammy
God makes up for all our losses and identifies with our pain. I’m sure Mary felt her loss keenly on more than one occasion – and waited for the blessed hope. Waiting is easier when we wait alongside our sisters.