The sharp trill of the phone unsettled the still of the evening as I fumbled to retrieve the noisy offender. Midnight calls are never good news.
An unfamiliar voice responded to my mumbled “hello”. Is this Tammy Kennington? I’m with the suicide hotline and I have your son on the phone. He reached out to us because he’s thinking about taking his life.”
[bbctt tweet="I'm with the suicide hotline and I have your son on the phone.#mentalhealthawareness#fightstigma#hoperestored"]
Suddenly alert, my heart beat erratically as I tried not to imagine the worst. I’d fought my own demons of depression and anxiety, but hoped and prayed my own children would be exempt.
A pain like I’d never experienced pierced my heart at the desperation in my son’s voice. Mom, I can’t take this anymore. The fear is too much. Why won’t God take this from me?
[bbctt tweet="I recalled the moments he'd clung to me on the beach, little arms and legs twined around my body as if I were the safe harbor in the midst of a storm.#mentalhealthawarenessmont#fightstigma#hoperestored"]
Images of the baby he’d been slipped through my mind as quickly as his childhood; I pictured the sweet infant sleeping soundly in my arms, his plump hands unfurled in contented slumber. I thought of the little boy with a shock of white-gold hair gleaming in the summer sun as he directed miniature cars and trucks through imagined detours and dangers. I recalled the moments he’d clung to me on the beach, little arms and legs twined around my body as if I were the safe harbor in the midst of a storm.
This time, though, I couldn’t rock the fears away or protect my son with merely a watchful eye. I couldn’t stave off the powerful ocean of emotions threatening to overpower him.
All I could do was to love my boy. Listen. Pray. And, how I prayed!
A few days later, our son returned home from a respite in the hospital. I hovered and fretted like a hypervigilant first-time mother; nothing escaped my notice. The nights were the most frightening. Life was tenuous and my husband and I knew our son stood on the precipice.
Now, a few years later, our son is more stable. While he still isn’t the laughing, affable child we once knew, he is gentle and merciful toward others–especially those who are hurting emotionally.
[bbctt tweet="I continue to pray God will remove this thorn from my boy's flesh, but if He doesn't I still trust God know the plans He has for this young man.#mentalhealthawarenessmonth#fightstigma#hoperestored"]
I continue to pray God will remove this thorn from my boy’s flesh, but if He doesn’t I still trust God knows the plans He has for this young man. Plans to give him a future and a hope.
If you or someone you know is on the edge of desperation, please know you are loved and seen. You are not alone. There is hope because of Him!
5 Bible Verses to Encourage Your Heart
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Please share this post to help fight stigma and to promote love and compassion for others among God’s people and beyond. If you need prayer, please leave a comment.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
I often link up with the following: LMMLinkup, Porch Stories, Tea and Word Tuesday, Grace and Truth Blogger Voices Network, Tea and Word Tuesdays, Anchored Abode, Worth Beyond Rubies Wednesday, Let’s Have Coffee, Soaring With Him, Purposeful Faith, Encouraging Word Wednesday, Sitting Among Friends, Imparting Grace, Destination Inspiration, Tune in Thursday, Heart Encouragement, Faith and Friends, Faith on Fire, Dance with Jesus Anchored Abode
I cannot imagine the pain and fear this caused you. I am praying now for you and your boy. Thank you for sharing your story. laurensparks.net
Thanks, Lauren. I appreciate your prayers! He is much healthier, but does continue to struggle. Peace and grace, Tammy
Thank you so much for writing about this!
You’re welcome, Aritha. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone. Blessings, Tammy
I’m so sorry for the pain you and your son and the rest of the family experienced. I experienced something similar with a friend and I know how hard that was but I can’t even imagine how much tougher it must be when it’s your son. I’m glad you’re sharing your story. It’s so important to raise awareness, and especially for the church to respond well and provide compassion and support to those who are struggling.
Thank you for your kind words, Lesley. I pray the church will become more informed and respond with compassion. So many people struggle with mental health issues. Blessings, Tammy
I can’t imagine the fear that threatened to overtake you (and your son)! I’ll be praying for you both!
Thank you for your prayers. Fortunately, my son is in a much more stable place than he was at that time. So many people need the hope of Christ in these struggles. I’m grateful that He is with us each step of the way!
Blessings,
Tammy
I don’t think anyone is exempt from that thought, the enemy dredges it up and it is a lie he would have us to believe. I believe God does remove thorns as we give him the glory but the more we learn about Him the more attack we have and there is often something always htee to deal with. The more we realize how much He loves us, the better we deal with our lives. Prayers and angels headed your way.
He does assure us that in all things He is sufficient. To God be the glory!
This brought tears to my eyes. As mothers, we want our children safe and happy. Blessings on you as you support your son in this difficult journey. I pray he will find healing and joy.