Spring shrouds the Rocky Mountains in haze grey, bending the viewer into submission. Though the blank spaces of the calendar indicate spring has edged her way into the world, I pull another blanket tight around my shoulders–as much to shield myself from the clamor in my mind as from the cutting wind that slices through the door’s opening. Barely ajar, icy wind slides through the crack and into our home–its cold fingers tearing at the warmth of the living room like the grief and sorrow of the season’s dark news.
Cancer.
Within one day of the other, two loved ones received the diagnosis while the third awaits results. And if you could see my heart? It resembled an icicle fallen from its lofty perch and shattered on the frozen beneath.
The Truth About Joy and Sorrow
The truth? Jesus never promised us ease of living. Those who choose Christ believing life will be painless will be easily moved–like a snowdrift blowing across an open field. It is one of the great myths about sorrow and Christianity.
Myth Number 1: Christians will never experience sorrow or suffering.
In Matthew 16:24 (ESV), we read, “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
The disciples were familiar with the cross. A torture device, it was a burden placed on the shoulders of the most villainous criminals. Choosing Christ meant (and still means) choosing the difficult way. The way of derision. The way of suffering that leads to ultimate joy.
Myth Number 2: Sorrow is ungodly.
“Just get over it.” Words often spoken, penned, or whispered in the face of another’s suffering. Our own insensitivity sometimes fails to comprehend the lasting grief of another, and well-meaning nouns and verbs end up in a garbled mess. We grow uncomfortable when grief stretches long and thin–like winter in the Colorado mountains. But grief and sorrow belonged to God first.
We grow uncomfortable when grief stretches long and thin--like winter in the Colorado mountains. But grief and sorrow belonged to God first. Click To TweetJesus wept. Then He trudged a testimony of love. Prepared a trail from heaven to the cross; from the holy intersection of I Am to the unmatchable sacrifice of the man of sorrows. God in flesh, the one scripture defines as sorrow, experienced His own grief that we might be lead beyond the confines of sin’s curse.
Myth Number 3: Sorrow overshadows joy.
Bleak skies dull my mood and I trudge downstairs, opening the blinds. I yearn for the cheeriness of spring. For white cotton clouds dancing across azure blue and trees unfurling early offerings of hope in newest green. Yet before life, a seed must die. After death? Then life flourishes into full-fledged beauty.
In the same way, the slowness of winter settles until the shadow of old gives way to new. Sorrow is always replaced by joy in heaven’s economy. First, the Lamb cried, “It is finished.” Then, He appeared in the garden. The God who caused dead bones to rise triumphant will have the victory and you play a part.
John 16:22 reads, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.”
Three Myths Christians Believe About Sorrow Click To TweetMore Truth About Joy and Sorrow
Following Christ requires commitment because in Him we will “experience tribulation.” (John 16:33) We may experience grief and trial, but we have the promise of life. Far better to know Godly sorrow than to enjoy ease and forfeit eternity.
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy[a] that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:13-14 ESV)
Peace and grace,
Tammy
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Tammy I love your thoughts here. How do we Christians come to believe such myths? Number three is my favorite!
I think we trust singular life experiences or feelings instead of relying on what we know from scripture. I’ve certainly struggled myself–especially with numbers one and three.
Aren’t we blessed to serve a God who overcomes all?
Blessings,
Tammy
Tammy, this is such an important post. When we don’t understand these truths about grieving and sadness it’s all to easy to add shame on top of those other emotions.
Thank you for shedding light on these harmful myths.
When others are hurting we should show compassion not lecture them on how they should feel or act.
Mercy and compassion should always be at the forefront.
Blessings,
Tammy
Lauren, I agree–shame added to grief is a terrible burden to bear. Praying for you and your husband as he battles with cancer!
Blessings,
Tammy
Christians who would cry out against the “prosperity gospel” unwittingly promote it when they teach that everything in the Christian life will be peachy after salvation. I don’t know how they miss the parts in the epistles where the writers talk about their suffering and hope in the midst of it. I’m thankful God is with us in our sorrow and suffering. May we share grace and compassion with others in theirs.
Hi Barbara,
Suffering certainly helps us understand others in their pain, doesn’t it?
Many blessings,
Tammy
While we don’t hear people supporting these myths in sermons and Bible Studies, I think many of us have secretly believed them (at least partially). Thanks for being a Myth Buster! I am so sorry for the sorrow being caused by cancer – it’s heartbreaking and awful. But even in this you share your hope and give us hope. The clear message is that our hope is in the Lord, not in the circumstances of today.
Hi Barb,
I’m so glad that is the message you read between the lines. Our hope is always in Him!
Peace and grace to you,
Tammy
As one who is still in the season of grief following the death of a loved one, I wonder if that season will ever end. I’m thinking not, although, perhaps the pain becomes less intense. I am grateful for your post as I cope with continued sorrow. However, I don’t think I ever fell prey to the myths you point out, I am aware of the tendency to question in times of acute sorrow, “Why did You allow this to happen?” Of course I know that death comes to all us us, but that doesn’t take away the pain of it. But God–brings comfort to the hurting; helps us “do the next thing” (Elisabeth Elliot), and gifts us with hope and joy through grandchildren, friends, and experiences. And we know, as believers, we will be reunited with our loved one. Thank you, Tammy.
Katherine,
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief can feel fresh depending upon the day–even years later. I am praying God will surround you with the comfort and love of others during this difficult
season.
With love in Christ,
Tammy
Well said. I love the promise, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.”
Hi Dawn,
It gives us such hope for the future, doesn’t it? There will be a day when joy will be ours always!
Blessings,
Tammy
Thank you so much for a wonderfully written post. I found many of these same sentiments and came to similar conclusions when our daughter was ill. God is in the valley as well as on the mountaintop.
Hi Sylvia,
I’m sorry I missed your comment.
I love what you’ve written above, “God is in the valley as well as on the mountaintop.” This sentence brings to mind images of both the valley of the shadow of death as well as Moses on Mount Sinai.
I pray your daughter has recovered from her illness.
Happy Easter!
Blessings,
Tammy
May the Lord give you grace as you walk beside and love on your dear ones who have cancer.
Thank you, Lisa. I am praying for insight that I might be the kind of encourager they need.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Beautiful words about sorrow and joy! It is unbelievable the myths we believe. At times, the mysths are so ingrained in our society that we find it hard to show our pain even though we may know the truth. Thank you for the reminder of God’s truth.
Hello, Maree.
I couldn’t agree more. Being vulnerable enough to share our pain leaves us open to criticism, loss, and judgement. I’m convinced we can be a small ripple in a big pond if we are the first to be vulnerable.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
I’m so sorry for the diagnoses that your loved ones are facing, Tammy. This is such an important topic. Knowing the truth about suffering doesn’t make it any easier, but it definitely provides a solid foundation in the midst of it.
Thank you, Lois. I really appreciate it.
We all suffer at some point. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to walk through the hard of life without Christ as one’s foundation.
Blessings,
Tammy