All of my self-created, self-proclaimed, self-protective vows could fill a book. You know, the ones whispered under my breath when I’ve been near bursting with anger…fear…judgment…hurt. Those silent promises and I-will-nevers intended to set a personal standard or to protect my own heart or the hearts of those I love. They’ve often proven impossible to uphold and are usually a hindrance to personal, relational, or spiritual growth.
You know what I mean, don’t you? We all have our nevers.
The divorced woman who has vowed to never marry another man—but lives as someone’s common-law wife. The woman who swore she would never smoke cigarettes after watching a loved one die of lung disease now burns through at least one pack a day. The grown man who was determined he would never treat his child that way—and hears the same ugly words of his father or mother erupting from his own mouth.
We all have our nevers. Read Peter’s words—his never—spoken boldly to Christ just prior to being turned over to the authorities.
³¹ Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ ³² But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” ³³ Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” ³⁴ Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” (Matthew 6:31-34).
Did Peter intend to live up to his words? Yes.
Was his motive wrong? Of course not!
Then what is the matter with Peter’s I-will-never? Is there something wrong with our nevers?
The problem begins with the words I will. Peter’s driving force—his strength—was centered on self; not on the sustaining power of God the Almighty. And self can only carry a given distance. Peter’s personal best? He made it as far as the walls of the court before betraying both Christ and his fervent I will never!
Let’s look to Jesus as he seeks solace in the Garden of Gethsemane just prior to his arrest.
And going a little farther he (Jesus) fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)
Did you notice it, Friend? Jesus—who knew of the beatings he would endure and understood the shame of the cross—said, “Not as I will, but as you will.”
Isn’t that remarkable? Christ didn’t choose self. Self-protection. Self-interest. Self-will. Instead, he chose the will of the Father. And the best of Christ joined to the will of the Father resulted in unimaginably beautiful forever-life at the intersection of nail and flesh.
The next time a personal I will never thrusts itself into my thoughts, my hope and prayer is that I would it turn it over to God.
Lord, what is Your will in this situation?  In this moment?   In this hurt?
 And even more—would that I could bravely whisper, “…but as You will.”
 
Scripture for Reflection
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (Ephesians 6:10)
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.         (Isaiah 40:29)