As a young military couple Dave and I made four moves, had two children, lived through three hurricanes, and experienced two deployments–all within our first seven years of marriage. Our life was exciting, tiring, and unpredictable-
-and we loved sharing it.
Until…a silent predator stayed for a visit. It’s name? Depression. You see, I had effectively submerged deep-rooted emotional scars left from an earlier time in my life but–for some reason–those feelings weren’t willing to be contained any longer. I became someone I no longer knew. Anger, anxiety, and fear became my constant companions.
At the same time, Dave began pursuing his post-graduate degree. Any flux in his schedule was swallowed up by studying–after work and on the weekends. My days were full of two rambunctious little boys, errands, and….those other constant companions. Our once blissful marriage began to deteriorate. Instead of building one another up, Dave and I exchanged sarcastic remarks or avoided talking altogether. Rather than cuddling, we sat at opposite ends of the couch. We were lonely–in the same house, in the same room, and even in the same bed.
One day, I walked into the family room and stood staring at my husband–this man I loved and adored–not knowing what to do. Looking up, Dave asked, “What are you thinking?” “Like something is dying inside.”
We knew something had to change and, at that moment, realized we were at a crossroads. Were we going to choose each other or a road that led us in a new direction? Dave and I chose each other. We began practicing the best advice ever shared with us–always date each other–which we did (and still do–after almost twenty years of marriage, four children, two full-time jobs, and my impending return to school). It wasn’t easy, it took work, and we found love was both a decision and a feeling.
A few of our tried and true tips?
- Set aside at least half an hour each day for “couple time”. Take a walk, sit beneath the stars, or just hold hands.
- Institute TNC (better known as Thursday Night Club). Choose one mid-week evening to spend a significant amount of time with each other. Go out or stay in–but make that time about the person you love.
- Take turns planning for dates no less than twice every month. You can get creative–even on a budget. McDonald’s at the park, anyone?
- Finally, get away from it all. Stay at a quaint bed-and-breakfast or nice hotel three or four times each year. (And, ladies, wear something pretty.)