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Posts Tagged ‘emotional abuse’

 

 

This month I’ve been in a wonderful reading frenzy and have several nonfiction Christian books to recommend. I’ve ventured into a couple of others, but I’m not far enough along to share yet. Maybe you’ll find a few to add to your reading list as we move into chilly autumn days.

 

 

“Jesus knows where you’ve hidden your pain.” Author and pastor John Chasteen gets straight to the point and penetrates deep.

His book, Half the Battle, Healing the Hidden Hurts, challenges the reader to examine the wound festering inside. The one tucked safely away. The one sequestered in the dark places where it’s coddled and protected.

Whether our battle wounds resulted from a slanderous friend, abusive childhood, or painful divorce, Chasteen urges his readers to give Christ the worst of the pain in order to access the “stench behind the stone”.

Rich with both Old and New Testament references and a leader’s guide, this short book is both memorable and practical.

 

 

I wish this book had been available when I sported mall bangs and bangles on my wrists. A neighbor might have quietly slipped this book into my mother’s giant, 1980’s bag. This book might have made a difference then.

It certainly will now.

Charlene D. Quint has written a powerful, frank, in-depth book entitled Overcoming the Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, and Other Domestic Abusers. Why is this book necessary? As the author notes, “In addition to rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, studies show that approximately 40 percent of women report verbal abuse, emotional violence, or coercive control by an intimate partner.”

 

 

...studies show that approximately 40 percent of women report verbal abuse, emotional violence, or coercive control by an intimate partner. #stop domestic violence Click To Tweet

Chapters cover such difficult topics as spiritual abuse, extramarital affairs, and divorce. Charlene, attorney and survivor, also shares how and why victims of abuse should create a safety plan, provides a multi-faceted response to the question, Why does she stay? and provides startling information about the impact of domestic violence on children.

This book would be a great resource to individuals who are living with domestic abusers, those who have survived domestic violence, counselors, therapists, and church leaders. Perhaps a neighbor you know needs this book. Maybe you do.

Note: Direct quotes from some people do include profanity.


Bend: When Life Dares You to Break, is an uplifting read penned by former journalist and author, Beth Lueders. Gathering the stories of people who survived despite incredible circumstances, Bend provides hope in a world that aches for it.

Pieced together in a fresh, easily digestible format, Bend is a collection of narratives from people around the globe and various faiths. Leuders does offer her own view of how God interceded on behalf of each person and suggests the reader consider the way in which each situation might impact his or her life.

If you’re searching for encouragement and poetic loveliness during this challenging time, Bend may be the book you’ve been waiting to discover.

Order author-signed copies of Bend directly from Beth at BethLueders.com.

 

Peace and grace,

Tammy

 

I often link-up with the following wonderful bloggers:

Mondays   InstaEncouragements Mandy and MicheleKingdom Bloggers,

Tuesdays RaRa Linkup /GraceFull Tuesday / Tell His Story/Anchored Abode,

Wednesdays   Worth Beyond RubiesRecharge Wednesday Welcome Wednesday /LetsHave Coffee/

Thursdays Heart Encouragement  /  Tune In Thursday  /Salt and Light /  Five Minute Friday

Friday Faith on Fire, Blogger Voices Network, Grace and Truth Linkup

 

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The frustration ran deep and the journey was long. Decades of caring for anyone with a need left me collapsed on heaven’s doorstep. Lord, I’ve been serving a long time. When do I get to enjoy that abundant life I keep hearing about?

Don’t get me wrong. I saw glimpses and enjoyed seasons of fulfillment. Raising my daughters as a homeschool mom was a sacrifice rich in joyful memories. Befriending women in the church in various settings blessed me with delightful relationships. In spite of the good times, somehow along the way, I lost my bearings.

Why

Women are prone to that process. We tend to focus our empathy and compassion outward, doing our best to contribute to everyone else’s happily ever after. And there’s a reason for that. We live in a fallen world where mankind’s vertical connection with our Creator is broken, and horizontal relationships take precedent.

Eve may not have grasped the significance of God’s words when He explained the security of her divine friendship with Him was replaced with the uncertainty of a human bond. But she surely sensed the trauma triad of fear, shame, and panic when she and Adam were sent from the Garden, the only home she’d ever known.

 

What

Like Eve, the trauma triad grabbed hold of me. Violence and denial turned my childhood home into a fight-for-survival environment. Hypervigilance became my coping skill of choice as I worked to de-escalate the atmosphere. As a result, the people-pleasing habit plowed deep furrows across my path right into adulthood.

The people-pleasing habit plowed deep furrows across my path right into adulthood.#habits Click To Tweet

When I heard life would be grand if I trusted Jesus, I was ready for grand and walked the aisle. My immature reasoning latched on to what the Christian community taught. If I wanted to please Jesus, which I did, all I needed to do was become a servant. And everybody knows a good servant pleases the one they serve.

Family, friends, and fellow church members were already on my list of responsibilities when neighbors were added. Since God describes our neighbor as any needy soul with whom we interact, in order to please Him, I would need to please everyone around me. The vertical-horizontal effects of the Fall overwhelmed me.

 

Who

Collapse is a good description of the moment I realized I was twisted into a shape I didn’t recognize. My dedication to reach out to others to satisfy God led me to abandon the unique me He designed with a purpose. Worse still, my efforts to secure the Eden intimacy I craved with Him brought little more than a nodding acquaintance.

In mute despair, I looked to Jesus. His response was gentle and compassionate.

Jesus invited me to rest in His presence and His Word. As I responded, He reminded me how precious I am because I am His, that His promises of protection and provision are for me. He taught me that I need to set my focus on Him because what fills my thoughts becomes the object of my worship.

...What fills my thoughts becomes the object of my worship.#worship #rightthoughts Click To Tweet

In confession and repentance, by God’s mercy and grace, my view is clearing. His call to love others is based on our loving Him with complete abandon, to include a healthy dose of awareness and love for ourselves as His creation. With this relationship, we become divine conduits for His love to flow at His will.

Worship is my new weapon against trauma or anything that threatens my peace.#prayalways Click To Tweet

Worship is my new weapon against trauma or anything that threatens my peace. Scripture, prayer, music, change of scenery . . . whatever it takes to rip my focus away from the struggle and set it back on the One who made and cherishes me. The peace and joy that fill me are the best description of the abundant life I can imagine.

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.

that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.

Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

Psalm 30:11-12 NIV

 

BIO

 

Sandra Allen Lovelace has been walking beside women cross-culturally for more than 40 years. She’s a popular speaker and biblical teacher known for her warm authenticity and practical approach. She’s also an author with an award-winning blog, two titles in print, and a third book in process.

By experience and training in the journey, Sandra informs, affirms, and inspires women as they heal from the impact of trauma. In her role as mentor and coach, she delights in watching fellow Wallflower Women step into and enjoy their God-given design and purpose. Sandra’s easy to reach.

SandraAllenLovelace@gmail.com

FB/SandraAllenLovelace

IG/SandraAllenLovelace

 

 

Thank you Sandra, for sharing part of your story with us. I see myself in what you’ve written and appreciate your wisdom and encouragement. Friends, please hop over to Sandra’s wonderful blog or meet up with her online. I know you’ll be blessed!

Peace and grace,

Tammy

I sometimes link-up with these wonderful bloggers:

Mondays   InstaEncouragementsAnita Ojeda, Mandy and MicheleKingdom Bloggers,

Tuesdays RaRa Linkup /GraceFull Tuesday / Tell His Story/Anchored Abode,

Wednesdays   Worth Beyond RubiesRecharge Wednesday Welcome Wednesday /LetsHave Coffee/Porch Stories

Thursdays Heart Encouragement  /  Tune In Thursday  /Salt and Light /  Five Minute Friday

Friday Counting My Blessings, Faith on Fire, Blogger Voices Network

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